Monday, June 9, 2014


One of the hardest things to do in life is to rid yourself of negative people and things that are keeping you from happiness, success, and the freedom of drama and stress.  It's even more difficult if it's people that you care about and that you would love more than anything to have them be happy in your happy life. Unfortunately, not everyone is in a place where peace, love, and compassion is their daily goal and not everyone is going to be supportive and have your best interest at heart. 

First of all, let me get this out of the way... NO, I am not perfect and yes, I have been in a place in my life where drama was OK and I was destructive and unhappy.  No... I am not judging others or saying I am better or more sane or happier. What I am saying is that it's OK to admit that some people are toxic for you and that doesn't mean they are bad people. They are however bad for you.  If you are continuing to grow and improve yourself; hanging on to those that are not ready will only hold you back and emotionally drain you.  If drama continues to find you because you choose to have it around... eventually YOU have to take responsibility and it may be time to do a HUGE cleaning in your life. 

Step 1- Identifying the toxic people in your life. 

This detox isn't an excuse for you to throw out everyone that has ruffled your feathers in the past. It doesn't mean that you walk away from family or friends that have messed up or made a mistake. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. You should forgive in the same way, you hope someone will forgive you if you mess up. Toxic people are constantly destructive and have zero desire to change. They will never admit when they are wrong and point the finger at everyone else. Toxic people are full of jealousy and will belittle your hopes and dreams in order to build themselves up. They spread rumors and lies when they feel threatened by your success. They are never supportive and will fill your head with doubts instead of positive encouragement. They complain more then they appreciate. They see more bad then good in you and everyone around them.

Ask yourself these questions..
How does this person make me feel after I see or talk to them? 
Do they make me feel good or bad about myself?
Does this person drain my energy or make me feel energized?
Does this person encourage me or belittle me?
Does this person always question my goals and ideas?
Does this person bring more drama or joy to my life?

In order to let people go, you have to stop letting guilt keep them around. Toxic people are never going to admit that you are right and that they were wrong and will more than likely make you feel guilty for making this decision. Instead of taking a step back and really analyzing why you are making this choice, they will turn everything on you. You are the crazy one, you are not ACTUALLY a good person for only trying 500 times to help them, you are selfish, you are mean, you are jealous, I could go on and on. Be ready for the worst because YOU WILL hear it all. As long as you send these toxic people on their way with love and prayer... you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You are not abandoning or judging, you are setting free and taking control of your own life. FEEL PROUD NOT GUILTY.

Step 3- Surround yourself with POSITIVES!
As you get older you start to realize the true meaning behind quality over quantity. It is no longer important to be popular and to have tons of friends and people around you if more then half of them are toxic. Once you start surrounding yourself with Positives- people that uplift you, are happy when you land a great new job or buy a new house, get excited that you reached your goal weight or met your soul mate, and they listen and support every crazy idea and dream that you come up with. The positives are the people that you look up too and that have their own amazing lives and dreams. Together you are a power team kicking total ass at life. 

Step 4- Out of sight, out of mind... not this time.
As easy as it would be to never see this toxic person again, sometimes it just can't be avoided... an ex that you have a child with, a family member who will be there at every holiday, a co-worker, a friend that is still friends with your non toxic friends... you get the idea. The key is to learn how to follow... In sight, still out of mind. You can still be nice and show compassion to someone that you have nicely kicked out your life. Believe me that it's not easy and everything they do will annoy you like nails on a chalkboard. You have to find your calm place... your center, breath, and think of how far you have come and continue to release positive, happy energy. Positive vibes to a Toxic person are like bug spray to a wasp. They will be angry and annoyed at first and eventually wear down and go away. Never let the revisit of a toxic person steal you away from your happy place. 

Step 5- Be strong and be smart, but stay open minded.

OK... so it might be true that MOST people never change... however, that isn't the case for everyone. It depends on age, tragedy, and events that could happen later on in life to this toxic person.  If a friend didn't make the best decisions in life when they were 19, I am guessing that at 30, 40, even 25, that they are not the same person. Being young is all about making mistakes and trying to find your place in life... expecting someone under 20 to have it all together is a little unreasonable. If your 35 year old girlfriend still loves getting away with stealing at the mall... you might want to assume that change isn't in their near future. If you meet a toxic person right after they went through a tragedy and it took them longer to heal and now a few years down the line they get in touch and seem healthier and in a better place, it might be OK to go grab coffee and catch up. You will know immediately if you did the right thing or not. It's always OK to give people more chances then they deserve if they are on the right road to being a positive. You have to be strong, stay smart, and trust your gut. Sadly... some people will NEVER change.

Step 6- Let Toxic People Motivate You.
You may have finally rid yourself of these toxic people but the damage is done. We are only human and when someone you once cared about says you can't do something, it's easy to let yourself buy into it. Instead of doubting yourself and letting toxic people mess with your head... let them motivate you to go after every single thing they said you couldn't do! Don't forget... you totally rock at life and you can do anything you want!! Take all the nos and turn them into Hell yeahs! Not going after your dreams because some unhappy toxic person... big surprise... decided to be negative about your wants in life only lets them win.  Toxics pray for your failure and not your successes... be good to yourself and take the advice from the positives in your life-- GO AFTER THAT DREAM! 

This detox will be scary and it will be hard but it's time to put yourself first and continue down the road to a better you. When you are a better you, you are a better mom, a better boyfriend/girlfriend, teacher, dog mom, designer, singer, wife/husband...  Life is short and why not be free and at peace? Time to clean out the toxic clutter and make room for the good and the wonderful.   


1 comment:

  1. I love this boo boo! Just great. :) In fact, this whole blog is pretty awesome.